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Writer's pictureGary Hewitt

Tales of Reiki

I did hear the sound of thunder and lightning this morning in the small hours. It did awaken me but didn't seem to last very long. Anyway, without further ado let's send the kudos and love to Anna, Shilpa, Jo and Vanessa for taking the time to read my post and like, love, share and comment. It's much appreciated as always.


I did ponder on what to scribe today but Anna seems to have made my mind up for me. She said I could write a tale on Reiki, so let's go craft a story below. I will say it's going to have a bit of a comedic value and apologies if I should inadvertently offend anyone but it's merely a bit of fun. Right, here goes nothing...



The pine trees partook in a long yoga stretch along Carmichael Drive. A blackbird danced with a fresh worm in its beak and pounded the lawn in due deference to Gaia. The sun winked once or twice and sensuous warmth bounced off the body of Barbara Bottle of the seventh poolgatherers of Lemuria.


Barbara strived hard to get to the top of the spiritual tree. She read many tomes so she could read for people. She studied to the 20th grandmaster level of Reiki, had parties with angels, spoke in the tongue of at least 1000 dialects of planetary and universal origins and wrote four books with a fifth on the way and contributed regular articles to the spiritual and haven of heaven society. When she last checked her TikTok account she'd amassed over five million followers.


A dirty lemon meringue of a Kia Sedona lumbered onto her drive. She'd divined the boot chakra had slid out of alignment and the driver in dire need of a top to toe dose of WayHay Raykay. Barbara devised the method of healing after being guided in a deep meditation whilst swimming in Colywn Bay. There she was at one with nature and discovered a child at the stern of his father's speedboat screaming wayhay I'm on the way. Such a simple thing but it led to the creation of WayHay Raykay. She thought she'd bring up RayKay as so many kept pronouncing it wrong.



The Sedona parked across two parking bays and Barbara's client stepped forth in a rainbow dress and a gaudy sequined blouse. In the middle of her forehead she plastered an amethyst crystal and on her left wrist the word moonlove had been tattooed into position.


"You must be Malorie Buttercod. I do hope your journey was pleasant."

"It was thank you, I'm so glad to have met you at last Mrs. Bottle."

Barbara's nose wrinkled at the salutation.

"Please, I prefer to be called by the name Seeker of the WayRay foundation."

Malorie apologised and followed her healer into the WayHay sanctuary. Barbara guided her into a calm room filled with red, violet and black strobing lights.

"So, what brings you to me today Malorie?"

"I keep having these weird dreams. It's like I'm a soldier in the Napoleonic Wars and I'm wearing this red uniform. What do you think it all means?"

Barbara, nodded sagaciously whilst absorbing all the information.

"Oh, definitely past life stuff. Let me just consult with my guides for a moment."

Her eyes glazed over and she stiffened before glancing skywards.

"Ok, I'm about to receive an stellar installation about your predicament. Right, here goes...fluabana tummokko maineterat tobonoare kamiitor ripana sumkane ooomo toob quintear zubinak tootea nimstat kendad bloobeingaterasnoosgoree"

Barbara shook several times. Malorie gasped in total awe at the sacred words before Barbara returned to the room.


"Well, I've just been given the key to your life in those days of Napoleon by the ninth keeper of the Quellian Ray of gamma light. She tells me that you must stop by a chapel and say a prayer to Robert Johnson to let him move on. It should assist you greatly in your ascension."

"Oh thank you so much Seeker of the WayRay foundation."

Barbara guided her client to stand and ushered her into the fountain of deep healing. Moldavite encrusted wallpaper and shungite spires littered the room and in the centre lay a solid ebony couch.

"It's very dark," said Malorie.

"It's to emphasise the healing mastery of the void."

Malorie laid herself upon the bed with an odd sense of dread filling her entire body.

"Ok, now, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. I want you to imagine you are floating in space and before you lies a great big eye looking at you. As you near it you realise it is a black hole and you pass into this space beyond time and all illusions of reality."

Malorie remained dead still. Her breath rippled in the merest excuse of life and Barbara raised her hands to the sky in a chalice of creation.

"Oh great healing spirit of the WayHay Ray, channel me with your divine light and bring forth the healing needed for Malorie on this fine September day."

Barbara swayed several times. Her body numbed and she placed her hands upon her victim's shoulders. Spurious energy burst into Malorie's spirit and body and she convulsed several times before falling into Barbara's thrall. Barbara held the space for a good twenty minutes before dusting down the auric field.

"I now command you to awaken Malorie Buttercod."

Malorie's eyes snapped open and Barbara offered a dark prayer to the way of WayHay.

"How do you feel?"



"Absolutely blooming awful," spluttered Malorie.

"Believe it or not this is a good thing. You are purging out the toxins in your body and your whole energy system has received a Booterian upgrade. Your chakras have been re-arranged into the new order and you may feel discombobulated as you adapt, especially with the crown chakra which has now swapped places with your sacral."

"I think I'm going to be sick," said Malorie.

Barbara placed a bucket beside her and allowed her client to release the unwanted energy. She rewarded Barbara with a tissue and a leaflet.

"Please ensure that you fast for twenty four hours to allow the energy to settle in you. Abstain from all food and water for this period. I want you to wear this dark green necklace to ensure the connection and attunement anchor in and I will book you in for your next appointment in a month's time."


"You can stick your crystal where the sun don't shine. You're supposed to heal me not poison me."

Barbara flapped her mouth in shock. In all her years of healing she'd never been spoken to in such a way.

"How can you heal me by sending me to a black hole? I'm getting out of here and never coming back."

"Well, that's rather ungrateful. I'll have you know I've worked very hard to call in the healing for you today."

"You can stuff your healing. I want my money back too, I'm not paying three hundred quid for that."

"No refunds and it's not very spiritual of you Miss Buttercod."

Malorie stormed out the healing room and tossed the necklace on the floor. Barbara shook her head at the retreating figure and sighed. She thought for a moment or two and rebuked herself. Malorie Buttercod disguised herself well as a mere sheep but her wolf energy had no place in her high halls of ascension.

She cleared up the mess and looked to her diary. Next client in an hour. She prayed her next visitor had a sterner constituion.


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